The equation for any and all relationships

It's official: I'm a late bloomer.

I fully internalized a concept the other day that I'm sure many people have already realized. There are only two types of people in romantic relationships; the disinterested ones, and the not so disinterested ones.

At least, that's how all relationships start out, from what I can see.

First, there's the person who acts disinterested. This is usually the person in the relationship who is chased, so to speak, because they are way too relaxed and outgoing to really pursue a relationship. They give off that air that says, "I could care less whether or not you give me your number", which of course makes people flock to them with the hope that they'll be that special exception to the disinterested facade.

Second, there are the not so disinterested ones. This is usually the person who is doing the chasing, so to speak, because they are incredibly attracted or drawn to the disinterested individual and are pursuing them with a vengeance. They give off that air that says, "ask me to jump and I'll respond with how high."

Now, before I continue allow myself to digress: I'm not an expert on relationships. These are simply observations that I've made through being on both sides of the equation.

Moving on.

Whether or not these two people actually end up together doesn't really have anything to do with who chases and who is chased. It all depends on the level of attraction. For example, if a disinterested party suddenly has someone chasing them that they start to develop feelings for, the overt attempts to woo them will seem endearing and charming. The same goes for the interested party; rather than seeming like a jerk, the person who acts disinterested just presents more of a challenge and is going to be really worth it in the end to the chaser.

However, it is my humble opinion that some people prefer to be chased and some people prefer to chase.

Why?

I have absolutely no idea. That's definitely food for thought for a later post.

But I have yet to see an instance when this formula cannot be applied to any romantic relationship. I dare you to come up with a specific, real life instance that defies this. Which of course begs the question, how the hell do people end up together? Relationships are so complicated, and feelings are so complicated, it is a complete wonder that people form them in the first place. I find myself continually amazed by the enigma that is "the relationship". I've been changing my views of love and relationships on a daily basis, as evidenced by this blog, and as evidenced by the fact that I'm pretty sure I've contradicted myself a few times over in these posts.

The one thing that I know for a fact, and stand behind, is that finding oneself in a loving relationship (stress the word loving) is something that should be cherished, because it really doesn't happen just any old day. Think about it. You're just one person. There are 6.4 billion people in the world. What are the odds of meeting another individual (whether the same sex or opposite sex, whether they're the same age, older, younger, or whatever you're into) who shares the exact same feelings that you do for them, and want the same things out of life when you meet. It's absolutely mind boggling and fact crushing. It's ugly yet beautiful. It's a blessing and a curse. It's the most annoying thing in the entire world but also the most interesting.

Love and appreciate every contradictory moment of it.

The best relationship I've ever had

A lot has been happening recently in my life.

It feels as if all of the loose ends are being tied off, which of course creates room for new random threads to be woven into the mix.

First of all, I decided that I finally needed to let go of my ex girlfriend so that I can move forward with my life. However, allow me to explain first what I mean by letting go. In the dictionary according to Ali, letting go means freeing oneself from past grievances, letting go of any guilt or pain from the past, and most importantly letting go of any and all expectations for the future. Apparently the way to do this for myself was to tell her that I still have feelings for her. Whether or not this was a smart decision remains to be seen, but I wouldn't change my actions for the world because it gave me exactly what I was looking for: closure.

I did not reach out to her with the goal or thought of getting back together, because I still remember all of the perfectly valid reasons we broke up. It was simply an acknowledgement and release of emotions; catharsis, if you will. She was my first love, which is not something that will ever change or lessen with time. She'll always be someone important to me for that reason, and as soon as I accepted this fact a weight lifted off of my metaphorical shoulders.

Ironically enough, the minute that I let her know this, I found myself in the best relationship I've ever had in my entire life...

...with myself.

 

I would say these events occurred simultaneously, for two reasons: a) I am a very honest person who decided to be brutally honest with the one person I always avoided...myself, and b) I am the type of person who believes that a moment should never pass without the people you love knowing how much they mean to you. So I accomplished both of these things in the same breath, thus living up to my own expectations and ideals, and forming a relationship with myself built on trust, respect, and compassion. 

As cliche as this sounds, it really is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

As a result, I've decided to take myself out at least once a week to do activities that I enjoy. What's first on the list? A very shnazzy art gallery about a man who photographs himself in pink tutus around the world to support his wife's fight against breast cancer.

Bob Carey: Ballerina 

After that, I'd like to take myself out to see The Perks of Being A Wallflower, because it stars Emma Watson and looks absolutely amazing.

The best part about these activities is that I'll be spending quality time with the one person who's guaranteed to be there for me through thick and thin, who won't ever abandon or leave me, and who will probably end up hurting me in the long run but will also do her best by me: myself.

No, I haven't gone crazy. Or if I have, maybe everyone should go a little crazy. Because it's honestly fulfilling, and in my mind essential to actually have a relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with another person.

Speaking of which, this post is going to be a little short because I need to be kind to my body and get a good night's rest, so I'll wrap it up.

I'm not encouraging anyone to get in touch with their ex and profess their love, nor even stay friends with their ex. If that's the type of person that you are, go for it. If you're the type of person who cuts off all contact with an ex in order to move on with your life, go for it. If you're not the relationship type, well I've already expressed my opinions about that so I won't go there. But I believe everyone should develop a relationship with themselves first so that you can honor and respect yourself with every decision you make in life.

Namaste.